my son, alexander, was 17 when he died from an epileptic related accident, on halloween day of 2010.
Nothing brings to the forefront what is important in life more than a death in one’s life. It was so unexpected, so final, no going back.
The feeling of not having loved enough, not having been present enough pursues me like a ghost, even though everyone assures me that i was a good dad. But I know where I have failed and what I could have done to make his short life more meaningful. At his memorial, I read 1corintian 13 “if you have not loved, you are nothing”.
i have grown a lot since then, and because I know alexander will always be in my heart, I owe it to him to become more fully awake everyday of my life and to open my heart to love to the fullest extent I know how. In that I know his life and his death was not in vain.
When I have felt every shade of despair, sadness and joy (yes, joy), I am reminded of a quote out of a movie, can’t remember which, saying, ” your children were never yours to keep”. There is a season to live, and there is a season to die under the sun, and that is the truth.